Monday, Monday...

The big news around CHI is that we will be debuting a new website next Monday.  The CHI blog will also be moving and have a new address.  I will leave a forward on Monday from our blogspot address to the new blog space.  Following this link will be essential as Monday will be the day to leave a comment for the drawing for a $30 gift certificate to CSN stores.  CSN is comprised of over 200 online stores, selling everything from Dining Room Chairs to strollers!

With so many families in travelling over the next few months to pick up their little ones I am sure the $30 gift certificate could be used in many creative ways.  I love the selection of diaper bags and back packs.  With over 40000 to choose from, there is sure to be one that will work for you! 

So watch for the instructions Monday on how you can be entered to win!

Focus on Special Needs....Spina Bifida

October is Spina Bifida Awareness Month!

Spina Bifida is the most common permanently disabling birth defect in the USA. It can result in varying degrees of paralysis, bowel and bladder complications, water on the brain (hydrocephalus), and learning difficulties.

Each day in the US eight babies are born with Spina Bifida.  Hispanic mothers are one and one half to two times more likely to have a child with Spina Bifinda. 

Spina Bifida is a developmental birth defect caused by the incomplete closure of the embryonic neural tube. Some vertebrae overlying the spinal cord are not fully formed and remain unfused and open. If the opening is large enough, this allows a portion of the spinal cord to protrude through the opening in the bones. There may or may not be a fluid-filled sac surrounding the spinal cord. Other neural tube defects include anencephaly, a condition in which the portion of the neural tube which will become the cerebrum does not close, and encephalocele, which results when other parts of the brain remain unfused.

Adequate intake of folic acid prior to conception can prevent 75% of the cases of Spina Bifida!

There is no known cure for nerve damage due to spina bifida. To prevent further damage of the nervous tissue and to prevent infection, pediatric neurosurgeons operate to close the opening on the back. During the operation for spina bifida cystica, the spinal cord and its nerve roots are put back inside the spine and covered with meninges. In addition, a shunt may be surgically installed to provide a continuous drain for the cerebrospinal fluid produced in the brain, as happens with hydrocephalus. Shunts most commonly drain into the abdomen.

Many special needs children affected by Spina Bifida are available for adoption worldwide.  Many children with spina bifida are of average or higher intelligence.  It is critical that families adopting a child with Spina Bifida be aware that their child will need to be followed by a neurodevelopmental team throughout life.  Shunt failure or revisions are common as well as bladder and bowel issues. 

URGENT Family Needed for 8 Year Old Boy

We are in urgent need of adoptive parents for an 8 year old boy available for placement due to disruption.  This child was adopted from Ethiopia and is now in the U.S.  This little boy is in need of experienced parents that can help him overcome the struggles he has faced in his young life. We are seeking placement with a family that has no other children in the home.  Please contact nina.thompson@chiadopt for more information. 

Lost In Translation?

Looking at child referrals from many of our country programs can be interesting.  Sometimes it seems that the English translations are still in some form of a foreign language.  The most interesting place we see this is in the medicals from some countries.  Here are some interesting terms and their more easily understood definitions!

Defectology- children who may be considered "defective" adults

Neuro-reflex-hyperexcitability syndrome - a high strung infant

Intestinal Dysbacteriosis - a disruption of the normal gut bacteria

Hypotrophy - slow growth

For a more in depth look at some medical issues in orphans check out www.orphandoctor.com !

Travelling with Your Toddler!

We have many families that will soon be bringing home infants and toddlers.  While I am sure they can't wait to be with their new child, air travel with a toddler can be a frightening prospect!  Here is some wonderful advice that I found on several websites:

1.  Find your airline's website.Then search for information about flying with an infant or small child. What you find (or don't find) will tell you a great deal about how helpful they will be when you fly.

2.  Check that your airline allows you to pre-book baby bassinet (sky cot) before the day of travel - not all will.

3.  Allow plenty of time at the airport for check-in, and connecting flights. Remember how much longer it takes to achieve anything with kids in tow and apply the same formula to your travel plans.

4.  Smile sweetly and helplessly at everyone and you may get help!  I have personal experience of being upgraded to first class when travelling with my 11 day old daughter and 2 year old son...

5.  Ask if your flight is full when checking in. Some assistants will block out the seat next to you in a less full flight or offer you the option of seating next to a vacant seat.

6.  Get on the plane first and off the plane last to get a better chance of assistance from cabin crew.

7.  Look out for fast track customs and immigration check points for those traveling with infants.

8.  Pack a small bag with just one diaper, a few wipes, a perfumed diaper bag (walmart has them!) and some rash cream if needed and place it in the seat pocket in front of you.

9.  Some planes have a larger bathroom at the very rear of the plane with a correspondingly larger change table. Wait for this to become free if you have a larger baby to change, as airplane change tables are small.

10.  On some airlines the cabin crew will prepare the change table in one of the toilet cubicles for you if you let them know that you need to use one. That's a real help is you have a squirmy, smelly bundle to hold while wrestling with lowering a change table in the tiny space of an airplane bathroom - so the first time you need to make a change on the plane, ask an assistant where they prefer you to make the change, and take any help offered.

11.  Always test the temperature of food heated in the aircraft galley before you give it to your child. It is often way too hot!

12.  Take your own baby food, bowl and utensils for an infant.

13.  Disposable bibs are a great idea for infant mealtimes on board an airplane.

14.  Ask for bottles and meals to be warmed well in advance of when you need them. Cabin crew don't have a microwave and have to heat using hot water in the galley. This takes time.

15.  Keep two diaper pins attached to your diaper bag. If you can get a window seat (most people will trade you) you can take a blanket and attach it to your seat and the seat in front of you for a privacy screen. People may even help you attach the pins when you're flying alone.

16.  Forget your policy on limiting screen time --- get as much relief as you can from the airplane children’s video channels and games. If you don't trust these, take a portable dvd player with your choice of dvds to view.

17. Bring toys out one by one - get maximum use from them, pack them away, then move on to the next toy.

18.  Get older children to carry their own special tote with basic entertainment contents - stickers, colouring book, reading books,  dolls or cars etc.   I have used playdoh, water "painting" books and molding wax with great success.  My rule of thumb is to provide one activity per 1/2 hour of awake flight time.  For long, overseas flights you may be able to "recycle" activities in rotation to keep the fun fresh.
19.  Snap on wheels for infant car seats are a real bonus if you've booked a seat for your infant and he'll be riding in his car seat. They can be taken onto the plane but take the assembly apart before check in to reduce the appearance of bulk. You'll love the convenience of wheels as you move around the airport.


20. Small travel strollers will fit in the luggage bins of 747's or larger aircraft but airlines have become increasingly strict about not allowing these on board.


21. An infant front pack or sling is really helpful so that you can carry baby while you push a luggage trolley.

22.  For the chance that your child might not travel well - take along additional scented diaper sacks as sick bags. They tie up to keep the contents in and the odour neutraliser does help! Handy also for storing smelly clothes.

23.  Because airplane bathrooms are small, keep a diaper, small pack of wipes, tube of lotion, lightweight plastic change mat/hand towel, and diaper bag  in a side pocket of your cabin bag. Take only these essential items into the bathroom for each diaper change and restock the side pocket once you have resettled baby

24,  Take a bottle of Rescue Remedy for everyone else in the family except baby;)
25.  Take an extra-large purse as a carry on. That way you can fit in extra things like toys, snacks, wipes and a fresh diaper. Remember to check TSA guidelines to be sure you can take everything in your bag through security.

26.  The safest way for baby or toddler to fly is in an approved car seat used as a flight seat.  this will also limit a toddlers sense of mobility and make chasing them up and down the aisle less likely!  Check the base of your infant or toddler car seat to look for the FAA approved sticker --- if you can't find one, check the manufacturer's instructions or contact the manufacturer to find out if the seat is approved for use in airplanes.

27. Print out a copy of the FAA's Childproof your Flight brochure (pdf), read it, and also take it with you when you fly --- especially if you are going to fly non-US airlines, which do not always allow car seats on planes without authoritative persuasion. Use this brochure as part of your authoritative persuasion if you have to. Please note that airlines usually ask that car seats are located in window seats so that other passengers can access their seats easily.

28.  In Europe, Asia, and Australia you will be asked to secure your child on your lap using a lap or belly belt. You may also use a Baby B'Air travel vest during the main flight section of your journey, but you will be

29.  The location of many bassinet seats immediately in front of the screen is unsettling for some babies, and can be irritating to parents trying to coax toddlers to sleep.

30.  Take cotton sheets to wrap baby or a toddler and to erect as a light shield over a bassinet.

31.  Be prepared to lose stuff (and don't get upset when you do).

32. Treat any time to relax as a bonus.

33.  Keep smiling at the baby.

34.  Ignore rude people, especially those whose job it is to help. Only you can know the right way to handle your child.

35.  Consider booking seats apart from one another if traveling with a partner. This way, one adult can rest whilst the other entertains the children.

36.  Work out responsibilities clearly between parents before setting off.

37.  Forget about style when choosing your traveling clothes - go for comfort, ease of wear and plenty of layers that can be removed if spills happen.

38.  Dress your child in distinctive clothing to avoid losing him in crowded airport lounges.

39.  Take a simple change of clothing for you and for your child in case of spills. Cotton jersey worn in layers is good. Just mix and match as you go and as spills happen.

Focus on Special Needs...Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

The potentially negative consequences of alcohol abuse during pregnancy have been suspected since biblical times. The relationship between maternal alcohol abuse during pregnancy and developmental birth defects is well-documented in psychological and medical literature. An accurate diagnosis of FAS or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), in which patients display partial effects of the syndrome and evidence many of the same problems as full-blown FAS, must be made by a doctor or geneticist. However, identification of children possibly affected by prenatal alcohol exposure can be carried out by professionals involved in service delivery.

Characteristics of FAS/FAE

Patients with FAS are of short stature, slight build, and have a small head. Typically they are below the third to tenth percentile compared to national norms. A pattern of dysmorphic facial features characterizes these persons as well, and include 1) short eye openings; 2) a short, upturned nose; 3) smooth area between the nose and mouth; and 4) a flat midface and thin upper lip. The facial patterns made FAS patients recognizable although not grossly malformed. In addition, these patients can display other physical anomalies including 1) minor joint and limb abnormalities; 2) cardiac defects; 3) dental anomalies; and 4) vision and hearing problems.

Intellectual Capabilities

A considerable range of intellectual functioning is found among patients with FAS. In a report of twenty cases of varying severity, Ann P. Streissguth and colleagues reported a range of IQ scores from 16 to 105 with a mean IQ of 65. Severity of the syndrome was related to IQ, with the most severely affected children having the lowest IQ scores.

Behavior

There are many behavioral characteristics which differentiate FAS patients from other mentally retarded individuals. Socially, they tend to be very outgoing and socially engaging, yet they are frequently seen by others as intrusive, overly talkative, and generally unaware of social cues and conventions. Poor social judgment and poor socialization skills are common: many patients are hungry for attention, even negative. Due to their social immaturity, they have difficulty establishing friendships, especially with children of the same age. The potential for both social isolation and exploitation of individuals with FAS in very evident. Hyperactivity is frequently cited as a problem for young children who characteristically have short attention spans. Many also have memory problems, thus creating further setbacks to adaptive functioning and academic achievement later on.

NEEDS OF THE PATIENT WITH FAS

Medical Needs

Patients with FAS/FAE typically have complex medical needs associated with their higher than average congenital anomalies. Infants are at risk for central nervous system problems, including a weak suck and feeding and sleeping difficulties as well as failure to thrive. Birth control and sex education for adolescents with FAS are additional areas of medical concern. As adolescents, these children tend to be sexually curious, yet often lack understanding of socially appropriate sexual behavior. Thus, they are at higher than average risk for sexual victimization due to their impulsive behavior and poor social judgment.

Educational Needs

Children with FAS/FAE have special educational needs. Even very young infants can benefit from early stimulation programs to help with intellectual and motor development. These programs are now widely available, with some even offered at home by traveling therapists and educators.

Preschoolers often have a range of developmental and language delays as well as signs of hyperactivity, irritability, and distractibility. Preschool programs which follow individualized educational plans are helpful for the child as well as for the parents who gain valuable respite time to regroup from the intense demands of these children.

Appropriate placement in special education classes beginning in elementary school is often necessary for children with FAS/FAE. A small classroom setting with clear guidelines and a great deal of individual attention can maximize the intellectual capabilities of these learners. Although intensive remedial education has not been show to increase the intellectual capabilities of children with FAS/FAE, it may prevent further deterioration.

Many patients with fetal alcohol syndrome reach an academic plateau in high school. Many will be unable to hold a regular job. Nonetheless, all of these students need to know basic life skills, including money management, safety skills, interpersonal relating, and so forth. These tasks will enrich their adult lives and allow them a degree of independence. The addition of such a life-skills component to the special education curricula for FAS students can be invaluable. Wherever possible and appropriate, vocational training should be part of the high school experience. Unfortunately, most vocational and technical institutes beyond high school will offer a curricula too academically rigorous for developmentally delayed individuals.

Family Needs

Patients with FAS/FAE are at a higher than average risk for physical and sexual abuse and neglect when raised in their families of origin. These children need a supportive, loving home environment with clear guidelines and clear lines of communication in order to develop to their fullest potential. When foster (or adoptive) placement is necessary, the greatest progress is made by calm, low key individuals, who are secure and comfortable with themselves and live stable and predictable lives. Families who treat the FAS child as normally as possible, combining loving acceptance with firm limit setting seem more satisfied than do those who have high performance expectations.

Due to their poor social judgment, underdeveloped independent living skills and impaired intellectual functioning, most FAS children will require a structured, sheltered living situation throughout their lives. The most severely affected may require a completely supervised and sheltered environment. For more functional patients, a group home or halfway house for developmentally disabled adults may be appropriate if continued residents with a family is not possible or desirable.

New Adoption Nutrition Resource on the Web!

I encourage you all to pass on the word about a super new resource available on the web on Adoption Nutrition!  This website has detailed information for adoptive parents on nutritional issues they may encounter with their adoptive children.  Topics include how to switch your child from a traditional diet to an American diet, food hoarding, and special diet concerns.  This is a super interesting website for everyone to check out!

YOU CAN HELP A CHILD FIND A HOME....

You don’t have to put out extra money or do anything strenuous! All you need to help another child find a home is call up our office and ask for a poster to put up at your place of worship, your business or worksite, or even your local bank or grocery store.

Remember all those “coincidence” stories you have heard or even experienced yourself as you began your adoption journey. Like driving past a billboard with large, beseeching eyes just as you thought that maybe there was a child out there somewhere for you to love and care? And then you took the road less traveled and your life has never been the same. Just a minute of your time to get permission to put the poster up (most places are more than happy to do this as long as they know and approve.  To request a poster please email me at kslconsulting@frontier.com with your name and address and we will get one out to you!

You could change the life of a child and family and maybe never know it!

We’d love you to help us get the word out.


Kathy L, MA

Special Needs Children with Club Feet

A clubfoot, or congenital talipes equinovarus (CTEV), is a congenital deformity involving one foot or both. The affected foot appears rotated internally at the ankle. TEV is classified into 2 groups: Postural TEV or Structural TEV. Without treatment, persons afflicted often appear to walk on their ankles, or on the sides of their feet. It is a common birth defect, occurring in about one in every 1,000 live births. Approximately 50% of cases of clubfoot are bilateral. In most cases it is an isolated dysmelia. This occurs in males more often than in females by a ratio of 2:1.

Club feet are a very common birth defect worldwide. 
The figure ice-skater Kristi Yamaguchi was born with a clubfoot, and went on to win figure skating gold in 1992. The soccer star Mia Hamm was born with the condition. Baseball pitcher Larry Sherry was born with club feet, as was pitcher Jim Mecir, and both enjoyed long and successful careers. In fact, it was suggested in the book Moneyball that Mecir's club foot contributed to his success on the mound; it caused him to adopt a strange delivery that "put an especially violent spin" on his screwball, his specialty pitch. The San Francisco Giants held the record as the team with the all-time highest number of players with clubbed feet as of July 2010, and Freddy Sanchez, one of its infielders, cites his ability to overcome the defect as a reason for his success.  Tom Dempsey of the New Orleans Saints, born with a right club foot and no toes (this was his kicking foot), kicked an NFL record 63 yard field goal. This kick became famous as the longest regular-season NFL place-kick in history, a record that stood till 2009.

Club feet are often correctable largely through a process of "serial casting". Casts are placed on the feet and legs that gradually stretch the tendons and ligaments into more normal alignment. The process can take weeks or months. When casting fails to remedy the situation fully, surgery is sometimes required. Following surgery or casting a splint may need to be worn for up to 14 hours a day for several years to prevent the feet from turning again

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The Difference Between an IR-3 and IR-4 Visa

Adopted children generally come to the US on one of these two types of visas. While both allow the families to bring their children to the US, there are significant practical differences. A child who comes to the US on an IR-3 visa will automatically be a citizen once they have reached US soil and legally entered the country. The family will receive their certificate of citizenship in the mail within a few weeks or months. A child coming to the US on an IR-4 visa is NOT automatically a citizen and must be “re-adopted” in their home state. This child will receive only an alien registration card (a “green card”) in the mail and while they are free to grow up and get a job, they are not automatically a citizen.

How does a child come to the US on an IR-3 visa? An IR -3 visa requires that the parents (both if a couple are adopting) meet the child before the court adoption process is completed in the child’s country of origin. Families traveling to China meet their child before they go to the Civil Affair’s Bureau office and complete the adoption. The first trip to Russia by the parents allows a Russian child who comes home on the parents’ second trip allows that child to come in on an IR-3 visa. Children up until recently from Ethiopia came home on IR-4 visas. Now that parents are traveling to court, most of these children will come to the US on an IR-3 visa. However, if ONLY ONE PARENT travels to court for some reason and the other parent has power of attorney, the child will still come home on an IR-4 visa. Both parents have to see the child before the adoption.

If both parents travel for court and for some reason only one parent returns to pick up the child, the child can still come home on an IR-3 visa, however, the traveling parent will have to produce documentation that both parents have previously seen the child and this can include copies of passport entries for the previous trip and photos of the parent with child when they traveled for court.


If the child comes home on an IR-4 visa, the parents are required by US immigration to “re-adopt” the child here in their home state and then send in the paperwork in order to obtain a certificate of citizenship for their child.

Sometimes families get their re-adoption completed and then just get a passport for their child. It is recommend that in ALL cases, a family obtain a certificate of citizenship for their child and not simply rely on a passport. Passports get lost and expire. Perhaps the child will have no difficulty, but should questions arise when the child is an adult and the parents have died or are incapacitated, the parents will not be available to explain the process, provide alternative paperwork and navigate the system for their child.

There is nothing better than an actual certificate of citizenship for the child to have available to produce at various times throughout their lives.

If a child is here and is not a citizen and they run afoul of the law, they risk being “deported” to a country they haven’t lived in for decades and do not know the language. It is the parent’s responsibility to make sure that their children are completely and legally adopted and have their US citizenship as soon as possible after returning home. Sometimes parents are tired of paperwork when they get home and put it off. It is very important NOT to neglect this part of the process. You cannot see the future and your child will benefit from your diligence.

I had a client family years ago where within months of the adoption, the father was tragically killed. Fortunately he had already filed the initial re-adoption paperwork and although their initial court finalization date had ironically been cancelled because of a court holiday, the adoptive mother was able to complete the re-adoption with no difficulties. It was a very sad time, but his child was benefited by his lack of procrastination.

If your child comes to the US on an IR-4 visa and you obtain a social security card for your child, the child’s status with the Social Security administration will be a non-citizen. After you have done your readopt and gotten your certificate of citizenship, be sure to go back to Social Security and make sure that their “status” is changed to “citizen.”

In a few days I’ll add to this topic, why it is important to readopt regardless of whether your child comes in on an IR-3 or IR-4 visa.

Kathy L, MA

Artificial Twinning

“Artificial twinning” and a few other descriptors are used to describe families where adopted children are very close in age whether they are adopted at the same time or adopted at different times. Ultimately when this happens children are living “like twins” in a family without having the same genetic birth parents. If this is something you have considered, you might want to read a well-written article by adoption professional Patricia Irwin Johnson.

http://www.adopting.org/uni/frame.php?url=http://www.perspectivespress.com/item.asp?recordid=notwinning&pagestyle=default


Kathy L

Two Little Boys...

We have two little brothers waiting patiently for referral to a new family!  They are two and three years old and were both born prematurely.  The older boy has made great strides in his development through good physical therapy that has been provided in his home country in Eastern Europe.  He enjoys painting and playing with molding clay.  He is now considered developmentally on track and is a healthy little boy! 

The younger brother is still showing motor skill delays but is making progress.  At two years of age he is standing and crawling, but cannot yet walk.  This boy also has poor vision that may be impacting his development.  The psychological evaluation describes both boys as "cheerful, joyful and have a great need for closeness and love."  If you are ready to open your heart to these two blond haired, blue eyed boys please email us for more information. 

Grant Opportunity for India Adoptions!

The M. Knight Shyamalan Foundation is offering a grant opportunity to US families wishing to adopt from India.  Families must show they are qualified to adopt from India and have a family income of less than $100,000.  You can follow the link below for more information.

http://www.mnsfoundation.org/grants/applications.aspx

Our India Program accepts married couples between the ages of 30 and 55 and single females under the age of  45 (slightly older for an older child).  Families can expect referral of a child 4 months and older if they hold OCI status, 18 months and older if they hold NRI status and over the age of 3 if they are of non Indian Heritage.  We welcome inquiries about our India program!

Our India Program is distinct from other programs because we work directly with the orphanages, attorneys and court systems in India.  WE handle your adoption personally from start to finish and maintain a stall in India working full time to bring you the best possible service and updates on your children! 






CHI is dedicated to helping the orphanages we work with and we support other projects in the country, providing economic, medical, and educational support programs.  This is a huge undertaking and is funded, in part, thanks to adoption fees and donations.

Where in the World is My Child?

One of the questions I often get asked when a family is considering international adoption is “where is the need greatest?” accompanied by “how do we decide where to adopt from?” My usual answer is another question – “where is your heart leading you?” The reason for this is because the “greatest need” is not really an issue. There are always multitudes of children in need around the world and families can only affect one or a couple of children at a time. Any child who is waiting for parents and a loving family could easily feel that their need is the greatest. Adopting is not about “rescuing” children, although that does happen in a strict interpretation of the word. Adopting is not temporary foster care or disaster relief where children are rescued from terrible situations but do not have a permanent relationship. Adopting is about creating and enlarging families and parenting and grand-parenting and great-grand-parenting those family members for generations.


The question about “where your heart is leading you” comes because every person has personal preferences. It is important to avoid trying to put a round peg in a square hole. The adoptive family becomes a trans-racial family or trans-cultural family (if the race is the same) forever. If members of a family, for example, love to eat Chinese food and are drawn to Asian art, adopting a child from China would make it easier for them to encourage their child’s appreciation of his or her ethnic and cultural background than if they hate Chinese food. A family who appreciates their own Orthodox Christian heritage may be eager to communicate to an Ethiopian child their appreciation of the history and culture of that land. Those are just a couple of small examples, but ultimately a family has to embrace the background of their child because this is now part of “their” background as well. This does not mean wearing rose colored glasses or editing out the negative aspects of a child’s historical heritage but it does require an overall positive perspective.


Why is this important? You, the parent, will be the prime information source for your child. A child of another race even adopted as an infant will notice racial differences fairly early and will notice that you look different from them. This is not only because comments from others will highlight it, but because they are smart and observant and can see the differences themselves. This will raise a variety of questions. It is the parents’ job to communicate that they too recognize the differences, but that those differences are appreciated. Different doesn’t mean better or worse, just different. It’s important that the child know that the parents like their child exactly as they are with their unique genetic heritage. It is the parents’ job to communicate that the birth family is a vital part of the child’s life and it is OK to miss and/or love them. Adoptive parents have to encourage their child to face the challenging parts of adoption conversations without themselves feeling threatened. Parents adopt a child, but the child brings with them their heritage.

No parent in America can duplicate what would have been their child’s original cultural experience. There is no expectation that they should do so. The child will be an American child raised in our Western culture. BUT the child will develop their own self awareness and internal image based on their experiences inside and outside of their family. What they need to know is that their parents value what they bring to the family and support them as they learn about their background. Children know when parents are comfortable and when they are not and that is why it is important that from the beginning the parents’ hearts lead them to the place from where they adopt.


Kathy L, MA

14 years experience in adoption
22 years as parent by domestic adoption

Ethiopia Gotcha Day 2010....

repost with consent from:(http://www.dawnofmotherhood.com/Index/Ethiopian_Adoption_Blog/Entries/2010/8/10_GOTCHA_DAY!.html)

Monday morning we woke early. Anxious to get my hands on my daughter. I got ready... took a quick cold shower. Got dressed. Went downstairs for breakfast (later I will tell you more about the food... this post is all about my GOTCHA DAY).


Kristan and I waited, and waited and waited. We sat on the sofa in the guest house just waiting. Leslie and Colin were there now - they are the other YWAM family picking up their daughter today. Colin is about Austin’s age.

Around 10 am, Abebe arrives. We greet each other... but we are beyond anxious to get going. So, we leave. We drive through the streets of Addis Ababa, dodging pedestrians and weaving around other vehicles.

Before we knew it... THERE IS THE GATE! QUICK, get the camera. Wait... the video camera, too. Shoot, I should have shown Kristan how to work these before now!

OMG! THERE SHE IS!!! I SEE HER! I’m not ready!!!!

I stumbled out of the van... while Kristan was trying to take pictures and video. Suddenly this little girl, who was scared and crying, was thrust into my arms. The woman who handed her to me turned and walked back into the Thomas Center with the other children. Oh my word... she’s actually in my arms. But what do I do? I don’t know her. How do I stop her from being scared? She’s crying. She’s so scared. Poor little baby... “Mommy’s here. Mommy’s here.” I keep repeating that over and over in her ear.

She’s still crying. I try to show her some things from the diaper bag. A silk. Still crying. A little lamb finger puppet. She takes it... but she’s still crying. Where is everyone? What do I do? I am so not ready for this. “Mommy’s here.” Wait... she looked at me. Is she checking me out? Does she realize how much I have wanted her? Does she know I am Mom? Does she recognize me from pictures?

Is she sick? Her nose is REALLY snotty. Poor girl. Oh, little girlie is having a hard time breathing. She sounds so congested. What are these knots on the back of her neck? What if she has some type of tumor on her skull. Wow, there are 4 of them, 2 behind each ear. They are hard, and big. Please stop crying, baby girl. It’s ok, I promise to take care of you. And love you. Forever.

Kristan reminds me that there are lymph nodes behind the ears. I have never felt those lymph nodes swollen, though, in any of my other kids. Kristan reminds me that Chaltu has been living with so many other kids, and she is probably really fighting some sickies. THANK GOD I brought Kristan... she’s my sane mind. She’s such an awesome adoption doula!



Please stop crying. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make it better. I know you are scared. Here, let me massage your eye brows, that always helped Adam when he was sad. OK, you keep looking at me, this is good. Oh poor baby, please don’t cry... that cry is like nothing I have ever heard. Oh poor, poor baby!

Thank goodness... a nanny has come to my rescue. “Chally,” she says. Over and over... Chally. Chally. Chally. That’s it. She is Chally. THAT is her name. Absolutely. Chally... please stop crying. The nanny is holding you, you know her, she is trying to tell you it’s ok.

The nanny hands her back to me... still crying. Still so so so sad. She knows everything is changing. Oh this poor girl! She just had her life uprooted a month ago when she was moved here... and now... this strange white lady is here saying she’s my Mama! WHAT?!

Kristin tells me that the nanny told her that Chally is always this way.
Oh man. What did I get myself into? She looked so happy in those pictures and in the videos. But - she was ‘home‘ in those videos. Even though home was an orphanage, it was her home. THIS is not her home. I am not her nanny. I am not the person she knows. I have no idea how to calm her.

We walk up 3 or 4 flights of marble stairs to see her room. Her crib is already moved out of the baby room. Her picture is there, though - photoshopped into the family picture we had taken in 2008. She’s still crying. The room is lined with cribs, babies in them. One is sobbing uncontrollably, rolling back and forth. Another is standing there just watching. A couple more are sitting in their cribs just looking around. It’s clean - very clean. She’s still crying.

We go back downstairs with a ball. Outside, we get down - and Chally kicks the ball. She’s still crying, but she’s trying to play. (she has an awesome kick, by the way) We walk around the driveway for a few minutes.

I pick her back up, she’s still crying. Kristan says that one of the nannies mentioned that they woke her up from a nap for this. sigh... I would have waited to hold her until she woke from her nap. Oh, this poor girl. sigh...

I sit against the wall of the Thomas Center outside. The other family is inside getting a tour. I’m needed right here, right now... THIS is what I am here for.

Chally, I’m your mama. I promise to love you forever. I will take care of you. I know what you need, it’s a mama. And I am here for you now. I am so sorry I couldn’t get to you sooner. I love you. I love you. I’m your mama. You just need a mama.

With that she let go... and fell asleep in my arms for the first time. Tears still in her eyes... but asleep. On me. Feeling my heart beat. Feeling me breathe. I can feel her breathe, congested. I can finally get a good look at her.

Her little face is chapped. Her cheeks are red. Her lips are chapped and bleeding. Those bumps on the back of her neck. She is so congested. And she’s still whimpering in her sleep.

Before long, we are ushered back to the van. To the Thomas Center offices, located in a different area. She wakes up as we get into the van. Little girl is so confused.

We get to the Thomas Center offices, and we climb 3 flights of marble stairs - they turn - and there is no hand rail. We get to the top, into the reception area, and we’re all completely out of breath. Addis Ababa is REALLY high altitude... and I didn’t think about that as I rushed up the stairs with 20+ pounds of toddler (and I’m not used to carrying this extra 20+ pounds yet!) plus the heavy diaper bag.

While here, we fill out paperwork that will be needed for the Embassy. There is a spread of Ethiopian food. I just want to get back to my daughter. All this time waiting - and I have to leave her with Kristan in that room. I want to hold her. I want to feed her. I want her to get to know me. I want her to NOT be scared of me. In time. In time.

After the paperwork is all in order, we head back to our guest house. I take Chally up to my room. I want to change her. As I change her, I note that she is wearing a sweatshirt that would fit Lauren, my 8 year old. It’s a big girl size small. The shorts she is wearing are a size 7, too big for Lauren, even. They are held on by the belt tied tight. Her undershirt is a newborn size shorts romper. And she has on Gymboree slip on shoes that are a size 5 - they fit her. In her hair, they have pulled the crown area back into a pony tail, held with a broken bubble hair tie.

I put lotion on her. I put fresh clean clothes on her. I cleaned up her face. I gave her some medicine for her congestion. I washed her face. Her nose is all runny. Poor baby.

We go downstairs and eat dinner with the other families. Wow. What a day. After dinner we head back upstairs and I put Chally in her new pjs. Ready for bed.

We turn in early. I give Chally her baby doll that I made for her over a year before and a bottle of milk as I hold her - she falls asleep in my arms again. I lay her in my bed, and she doesn’t move at all the entire night.

 

Welcome to Children's House International...The Blog. I am very excited about this opportunity to share with you all from "the trenches" of an international adoption agency. I am the newest member of the Children's House team and am currently case manager for the Eastern European and India programs. My interest in adoption probably started when I was only eight years old. At that time my dearest Aunt was struggling with infertility (well, ok, I just knew she wanted a baby and wasn't having much success getting one!) and decided to adopt. She subsequently brought home two lovely cousins for me to play with.  They were from a different culture and didn't really look like me, but boy did we have fun! 

My fascination with adoption was born!

I am a law school graduate who has an award of distinction in Family Law. Working at Children's House International is a great fit for me. I get to do a job that ultimately brings joy (though there can be many frustrations along the way). So stay tuned for informative updates from me and from Kathy Looser our Child Placement Supervisor.   So stay tuned!